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I Statements for Couples

Conflict and Win Win

“I” Statements, Only One Tool

I statements are a way of owning what you are saying or feeling. Using an I statement in your conversations with others tends to minimise any defensiveness in the other person. I statements are only one tool in a communication toolbox.

Emotional Intelligence

However, what’s more important than I statements is emotional intelligence and having the skills to manage your emotions. If you can’t control your feelings, then most attempts at communication will probably fail.

Easy to Learn Emotional Intelligence

Unfortunately, emotional intelligence is not something we generally learn in school, and often families don’t offer good role models. Emotional intelligence is something that is rather easy to learn and put into practice.

Blame Make Situations Worse

What often happens is when a person feels hurt by someone else’s behaviour, the tendency is to blame them for your hurt feelings and then think up some way to punish them. All this approach will do is inflame the situation and make it worse.

Blame Gives Away Your Personal Power

Not only that, but when you blame someone or something else for how you feel, what you are saying is that “I have no control over how I feel, and you can make me feel any way you want, all you have to do is push my buttons”.

Taking Back Control

So, if you want to take back control of your life, and be responsible for how you feel, you’re empowering yourself. Empowering yourself is being self-compassionate. The road to psychological ruin begins with blame, the road to psychological power begins with responsibility.

You can learn the skill to manage your emotions in a difficult situation by taking my online anger management course. Learn more here.


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